Chick-Fil-A-Fail

Although I’ve not yet blogged about it, I became a vegetarian about four months ago. At this point, I will still eat fish as long as I know where it comes from. Even before I became a vegetarian (technically I guess I’m a Pescatarian,) I would only eat at a fast-food restaurant if it was Burgerville (I will still eat there, they have an amazing white bean burger.) Burgerville is a Pacific Northwest company that strives to use fresh, local and sustainable products for their food which is not made of fillers or a bunch of artificial crap. For a “fast-food” restaurant, they manage to keep it real. Besides, their mission is “Serve With Love” and really, that’s pretty awesome.

Although I wouldn’t consider myself a  health nut by any stretch of the imagination, I truly feel like eating at other fast-food establishments is just as bad as eating poison and most of the people who eat fast-food don’t realize just how bad it is for them. They eat it because it’s cheap, easy and well, fast. Additionally most of the people who eat fast-food are also poor and I feel that supporting an industry that profits on the ignorance and susceptibility of the poor is wrong. We shouldn’t have a society that makes bad food cheap and good food expensive; it should be the other way around.

I don’t eat chickens and I don’t eat at fast-food restaurants so I would never be inclined to walk into a Chick-Fil-A for any reason.

I also try very hard to not give money to businesses and individuals who will use that money to hurt me and my family.

The company’s President or CEO or whatever he is gave his opinion that he believed in “traditional marriage”, which is completely his right. He gives money to organizations that not only “defend traditional marriage” but also actively try to prevent certain citizens of this country from being able to have the same rights as other citizens of this country. That’s also his right but his “freedom of speech” is called discrimination and no matter how hard people try to wrap themselves in their faith and in their bible, it is still discrimination. Chick-Fil-A also donates money to organizations that believe in “repairative therapy” for gay and lesbian children, believing that these children (and all gay people) are sinners and need to change their sexual orientation to be pleasing to God. Donating money to organizations that actively hurt and discriminate people is also his right, but it doesn’t make it okay.

Who are these people who speak for God and for what He wants? Who are these people who label me as: lost, a sinner, depraved, disgusting. I read a comment on a blog today that said that “all homosexuals will burn in Hell for their sins.” Really? Who is that woman to stand in as God’s decision-maker?

My friend Dana posted this on her Facebook status today:

My one and only post about Chick Fil A: For those people who went and spent money at one of those locations yesterday and claimed they were supporting free speech but don’t have a stance on gay marriage, your money just went to a business that donates money to fund a bill which continues to legalize the killing of gays in Uganda. The company also donated more than $2 million to groups who make it their mission to attack the gay community through lies and distortions. These groups push several false notions from homosexuality is connected to pedophilia to the idea that gays can change their orientation (which I wouldn’t even if i could. Women are beautiful). Chick Fil A has also donated thousands upon thousands to fight marriage equality. I find it amusing that you would defend the 1st Amendment and Freedom of Speech, yet you’ll support a company who has no problem publicly admitting they would like to deny a “child of god” his or her inalienable rights. So if you don’t think you have a stance on these issues, money talks and you just said more than a mouth full of chicken by spending a penny at that restaurant.

This isn’t about one man’s right to “freedom of speech,” or supporting a business’s right to operate how it wants to operate. Yes, Mr. Cathy has a right to free speech and a right to conduct business how he wants and a right to believe what he wants. He also has the right to not be discriminated against and to legally marry his wife. It must be nice to be entitled to all of those rights.

But while people are all up in arms about Mr. Cathy’s rights and Chick-Fil-A’s rights they are forgetting something very important: the rights of a marginalized minority in this country to be treated equally. What about our rights? What about the rights of my family? Fighting for the rights of some while denying the rights of others is wrong, no matter how one tries to spin it. So while Sarah Palin and right-winged, conservative, “Christian” flock into Chick-Fil-A and eat unhealthy food that was produced through the suffering of others (people and chickens,) in order to support Mr. Cathy’s rights, they are at the same time, actively trying to take away mine.

Perhaps Chick-Fil-A should take a lesson from Burgerville and “Serve With Love” instead of supporting hate.

Flip Flop

When I was a little girl, I wore flip-flops all summer long. I realize that some people still refer to flip-flops as thongs and they shouldn’t, for so many reasons. Anyway, I used to name my flip-flops. The left one was Flip and the right one was Flop. My mother would ask me, “Where are Flip and Flop?” and I would find them and slip them on my feet. I still love flip-flops and now as a grown up lady, I buy flip-flops in all different colors and some with higher heels. I have my dress flip-flops and my everyday ones. I especially love the pair that have crystals along the top–pretty! Love the flip-flops and frankly, I don’t trust a person who doesn’t (unless of course you have some weird foot or toe problem.)

I thought it was funny when a bit ago when President Obama came out in support for marriage equality that people called him a flip-flopper. What does marriage equality have to do with footwear? Oh, then I realized that they meant that he flip-flopped on the issue, meaning he changed his mind about what he believed. And he’s being criticized for this? Don’t people change their mind about what they believe all the time? Isn’t that a positive thing? If we stick with what we believe our entire lives, how are we supposed to grow and change? Isn’t that the purpose of life? To evolve in our thought, mind and heart?

He also said that some of his change of heart and change of mind came from speaking to his children.

You know, Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.

Change in perspective.

That is the key point here. He had a change in perspective.

Everything in our lives is about perception and perspective. Everything. Think I’m wrong? I’m not. There are very few issues that don’t come down to perspective and perspective changes all of the time. The entire evolution of our country has been based on a change of perspective.

Slavery Good
Slavery Bad

Segregation Good
Segregation Bad

Equal Rights Bad
Equal Rights Good

Eight Hour Work Week Day Bad
Eight Hour Work Week Day Good

Prohibition Bad
Prohibition Good
Prohibition Bad Again

Child Labor Laws Bad
Child Labor Laws Good

Beating Children Good
Beating Children Bad

Beating Wives Good
Beating Wives Bad

Birth Control Bad
Birth Control Good
Birth Control Bad Again According to Wackos

Short Dresses Bad
Short Dresses Good
Short Dresses Bad Again
Short Dresses Good Again
Really, Really Short Dresses? Jury’s Out.

Those are some examples of the bigger changes in perspective that we, collectively as a country have experienced over the past several decades.Personally, we have a change in perspective about people, things and issues all the time. You once absolutely loved that pastel floral couch that you bought in 1989 and now you laugh at yourself for even buying it. My hair in the 1980′s? What the hell? Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends/Spouses? Major change in perspective. Those are simple things that we do every single day.

I used to consider myself a very spiritual person who spent many, many years trying to figure out God and religion. I studied, became immersed in several different churches over the years from the Catholic church to the Episcopal to the Lutheran, to the non-denominational to New Thought and finally to The United Church of Christ. Then I went to college and a whole lot of things opened up in my mind, one being that I no longer believed in God. I once considered myself a Christian and now I consider myself an Agnostic. Does that make me a flip-flopper? No. I had a change of perspective. I evolved, grew and changed.

I once was heterosexual and now I’m really, really not. Flip-flopper? Hell, if I had remained heterosexual I would have been a liar. Which is worse? Changing one’s mind or lying?

I used to eat all animal products, then I quite eating beef, then I started eating beef again, and now I don’t eat meat at all. Flip-flopper? No, I learned a few things that changed my perspective about eating animals.

Don’t we want a president, hell, don’t we want a society that is open to new ideas and willing to consider new information in order to make intelligent, rational and reasonable decisions? Do people have any idea how many fucked up decisions that past presidents have made that we now look at and say, “What the hell were they thinking?” Probably a million.

I’m proud of my president and I hope that all of those people who think it’s a negative thing that he changed his mind about something as important as equality for all citizens would stop and consider how much differently they think and how different of a people they are now, compared to five, ten, twenty or thirty years ago. You wouldn’t want to be that person because you’re probably much better now.

Yes we can.

Marryland

Maryland became the eighth state in the US to recognize Marriage Equality. I’m not big on Constitutional Law and correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that once enough states enact a law, doesn’t it have to be ratified into the Constitution? I imagine that would necessitate getting rid of DOMA at the same time and eventually all of this one man-one woman crap in regards to marriage will be history. Imagine one day telling our grandchildren that it used to be illegal for Cher and I to be married.

Up until 1968, the year before I was born, it was illegal for people of different races to be married in seventeen states in this country. Richard and Mildred Loving (née Jetter,) were married in 1958 and had to leave their home state of Virginia because it was illegal for them to be a married bi-racial couple. The judge proclaimed, “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” That judge, not unlike many people today, seemed to know what God intended. It would seem that God does a lot of talking to male politicians and lawmakers. Sometimes He whispers things to them about women and whether they should be allowed to have sex or have babies. Sometimes He helps quarterbacks win football games. Sometimes He sends a message to all of the sinners in the world by throwing around weather patterns and flooding entire cities.

More than likely, though. He does not.

The idea that committed same-sex couples should not be able to be married in the same way as committed opposite-sex couples is becoming increasingly ridiculous and difficult to understand. Perhaps it is because I pay attention to this silliness on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s because this ridiculousness affects my family and me in all kinds of ways. Perhaps it’s just because it really is crazy.

I’ve written here time and time again about my relationship with Cher and how “normal” of a couple that we are. I hope that the families who live in our neighborhood and town, who see the two of us together, who see our family together with children and dogs and an SUV, are able to notice that we don’t have some kind of special lifestyle. We run errands, we do home improvement projects, we walk our dogs, pay our bills, grocery shop, cook dinner, do laundry. We pay our taxes. We don’t get the same rights. We are asked if we are sisters. We get inquisitive looks on occasion. There is no assumption of our relationship status. We pay more for my healthcare. We don’t get the tax breaks married couples get. We don’t get one another’s social security if needed.

It makes me happy that Washington and Maryland have recently started recognizing all couples who are in committed married relationships but it’s hard to get too overly excited until every state and the federal government does the same. April 15 is just around the corner and Cher and I get the special fun of filling out two separate federal tax forms plus of an “as if” return. “As if” we were legally married. Isn’t that sweet? The Federal Government won’t recognize our relationship but the state wants a return that shows what our situation would look like “as if” it did. (And by the way, and again for the record, the State of Oregon calculates child support based ONLY on my income and the income of my children’s other parent. There is no, “Equal Rights When Convenient.” My relationship status: married, unmarried, living together, to a man, woman or unicorn is not relevant and neither is my children’s other parent’s relationship status. I pray to the Baby Jesus that this is clear because it’s exhausting trying to educated the ignorant about such matters.)

One day, we’re going to put this whole nasty, “My marriage is more important/valid/meaningful/legal than yours) thing to rest. I don’t think I will look back and laugh for awhile because obviously things have a way of going backwards sometimes. You know, like issues of birth control and abortion rights. Issues that have been figured out and agreed on by most of the world for decades and today, in 2012 in the United States we have politicians like Sanitorum saying that states should be allowed to outlaw birth control. We have states like Virginia (again with Virginia, geez,) who want to force women to have an inter-vaginal ultrasound before having an abortion. Because it will “save lives?” Who’s lives? It’s all completely flabbergasting.

I want to live in a world where my daughter’s birth control choices are between her and her doctor and are covered by her medical insurance just like any other prescription drug (like Viagra and Oxycontin you douchebags.) I want to live in a world that young law students at prestigious universities are not just permitted, but encouraged to speak to Congress about important matters without being subjected to being called a “slut” and a “prostitute.” I want to live in a world where honesty is more honorable than chastity and where men aren’t threatened by women’s sexuality and where women and men stand up for things like fairness and justice. I’m glad Rush is losing sponsors and I’m glad Romney, Newt or Santorium are going to lose miserably this November but it’s not enough. Unacceptable utterances and ideology once spoken are out there and I’m not sure how to un-ring these bells except to ring louder ones.

Women need to speak out. Men need to speak out. Because this is ridiculous.

Marriage and Family

You may have heard that Basic Rights Oregon has begun a campaign to educate Oregonians (and others) about marriage equality. Some of you may know that in 2004 there was a measure on the November ballot that changed Oregon’s constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. A few years later, a law was passed that granted same-sex couples a legal “Domestic Partnership” that afforded those couples some of the same rights as civil marriage but not all of them and those rights do not extend outside of our state.

Why does marriage equality matter? (Here is a great link to a website that briefly talks about why same-sex couples want to marry each other, from the website lovecommitmentmarriage.org.)

It matters because those are in same-sex domestic partner relationships are not granted the same protections under the law as those in opposite-sex civil marriages. Having the same civil marriage for everyone treats everyone equally–one kind of couple does not benefit more than another kind of couple. All couples who desire to be in a committed, legally recognized relationship would have the same responsibilities to each other.

We do have a legal “Domestic Partnership” in our state. You may wonder, don’t legal “Domestic Partnerships” do the same thing?

No.

For instance, if Cher and I had a civil marriage in the state of Oregon, she would be able to add me to her health insurance/life insurance/other plans without consequence. She would also be able to add my minor children. Because we have a “Domestic Partnership” she is able to add me to her plan, but only after we prove our domestic partnership and then she is taxed on the value of what it costs to cover me. This amount adds over $10,000 to her taxable income per year. Which is to say, she is forced to pay taxes on income she didn’t receive. If we had a legal civil marriage this would not be the case. I would be added to her plan for the cost of $0.

If Cher and I decided to have a baby, we would have to hire lawyers to do a second-parent adoption. Even if we used my egg, implanted in Cher with donor sperm, we would still have to do this. Our domestic partnership would protect our child in our state, but not outside of it. If we had a civil marriage, we would obtain an egg, obtain some sperm, someone would have the baby and we would be that child’s legal parents without consequence.

There are automatic assumptions that happen when a couple is in a legal civil marriage. These assumptions don’t extend to same-sex couples in domestic partnerships. Most opposite-sex couples don’t carry around their marriage certificates and powers of attorney forms when they travel. If Cher and I were to travel to another state (or country) there would not be an assumption that we were a couple and responsible for each other; in many cases, we could potentially be kept from one another at a very critical time. Same-sex couples don’t have this issue because their legal civil marriage is something that most people understand, therefore removing the disconnect and confusion. Making legal civil marriages the same for everyone allows all couples to have the recognition that they deserve.

We are not allowed to file our federal taxes jointly, but can file our state taxes jointly. Because of this, we are required to fill out an “as if” federal tax form showing what our tax burden would be if we were  allowed to file jointly. Let’s just say, if we had gotten that “as if” refund, I would have a new couch and a new refrigerator right now.

My brother and his lovely fiance (whom we all adore,) are going to be married soon. In order for them to get married, they went to the courthouse and filled out a form and paid a fee. It is that filled out form that gives them the legal protections of marriage under Oregon and federal law. It’s just a form. The wedding that they’re having is being performed by a lay-person at a beautiful vineyard–there is no religious sacrament or promises made before God, Buddha or Allah. It’s just a nice ceremony with flowers, music and wine that we will all enjoy immensely.

It is that particular piece of paper, the one that says “Marriage License”, the one filled out at the courthouse that will provide them not only with over 1,000 rights and entitlements under the law but also validate and legitimate their relationship.

Cher and I also went to the courthouse and filled out a form for out domestic partnership. We also paid a fee and turned it in, but our piece of paper? The one we filled out? It’s gives us maybe 10% of the state rights and zero of the federal rights and protections provided by the form my brother and his fiance filled out. One form equals: legitimacy, rights, protections, assumptions, entitlements and validation and another form equals just a wee bit of that. Which form you get depends on your gender.

Somehow this seems almost archaic and definitely wrong. Don’t Cher and I deserve the same form as my brother and his fiance? I think yes and I hope you do too.

Visit: Love. Commitment. Marriage. and read how you can start a conversation about marriage equality in Oregon and make a lasting difference for everyone.

The First Day of a New Week of a New Year

Sunday is the first day of the week. Did you know that? Sometimes people get a little bit confused and think that Sunday is the last day of the week, the seventh day of the week, but it’s not. God made the world in seven days and declared that on the seventh day there would be rest, and that would be Saturday. Sunday was the day he made the heavens and the earth; did you know that? I wonder then why Sunday is part of the “week end?” Shouldn’t it be the “week beginning?” Not to be confused with a “weak beginning,” which is completely different and really has nothing to do with God.

Speaking of weak beginnings.

David Gregory is doing a good job on “Meet The Press;” he’s no Tim Russert, but I like David. Today he interviewed an adviser to President-Elect Obama about Obama’s decision to have Bigot Rev. Rick Warren be part of the inauguration. Warren, an active anti-gay proponent supported Prop 8, which stripped rights away from an entire segment of the population and likens homosexuality to pedophilia. Obama has defended his decision, with an almost Bush-like arrogance.

How does that make you feel Kathryn?

Obama was the best choice for president and I have absolutely no regrets supporting him in this election. I still look forward to the next four years and hold high hopes that a progressive agenda will evolve out of the mess that we’re in right now. But this hurts.

Am I disappointed? Yes I Am. Do I feel dismissed? Yes I Do.

Frank Rich ran an Op-Ed piece today in the New York Times, it’s here, go read it.

I’m glad that Rich addressed the issue, and I don’t think that enough gay people have stood up and expressed their outrage over this decision. It’s a slap in the face and even if there is some kind of ulterior reach-out-to-the-religious-right motive it’s a lot to ask of a group of people who A.) Supported Obama and B.) Are suffering right now as a result of the passage of Prop 8 and other Anti-Gay laws.

Shouldn’t Obama be throwing us a bone right now? Give us a little something to try to heal our bitter-sweet wounds? Instead he’s thrown a little salt in those wounds and that makes it a little difficult to see the “greater good” of this decision, if there is one.

Openly gay Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson had this to say in Rich’s piece,

“I’m all for Rick Warren being at the table,” he told The Times, but “we’re talking about putting someone up front and center at what will be the most-watched inauguration in history, and asking his blessing on the nation. And the God that he’s praying to is not the God that I know.” (emphasis mine.)

That’s not the God I know either.

I don’t believe that God made the world in seven days and I don’t believe in God in a regular God-believing kind of way, but I do know this: Whatever God is, it is not hold hate. I was once told that God is not able to understand anything but love and the only energy that God is able to respond to is loving energy. Wrap your head around that a little bit. God knows nothing but love; what a concept. No wonder so few people, even those who dedicate their lives to serving God, don’t know God. If they did people like Rev. Rick Warren would not stand up and equate my loving, committed relationship with my partner to my marrying my father.

Obama not standing against this type of bigotry is the same as accepting it.

The GLBTQ community has been active and loud during the last several months, why are they being so quiet right now? If McCain had won the election and chose this man to bless the nation on inauguration day, the GLBTQ community would have had a LOT to say. Do we give a pass to Obama?

I don’t.

I'm Melissa Lion's Bitch

But I don’t mind so much because she’s nice to me and lets my wife kiss her when we’re out lezzie dancing, which my wife appreciates.

Melissa is brilliant on so many levels, she’s an award winning novelist, a book critic, and a college professor. On Saturday she is holding a class for Bloggers!

That sounds fun, don’t you think? If you live in the Portland Metro area, please come and tell Melissa that I sent you. Register at www.longlunchpdx.com.

If you can’t wait until Saturday to see Melissa, then you should definitely go to Backfence PDX tomorrow at The Mission Theatre (they have beer.) She has an amazing line-up planned and it should be super fun. ***

Just go, it will be fun!

Speaking of fun, I have one more class for this term. I finished my screenwriting class and finished my Shakespeare class (I wrote my final paper on the Apocalypse and how it related to Shakespeare’s tragedies–I was feeling deep at the time.)

Tomorrow is my speech on Marriage Equality and how it benefits children. Thank you to everyone who sent me pictures, I’m so excited to have so many! (You can still send some if you would like, I would love more!)

And no, I’m not discriminating against straight people and their children, maybe next time I’ll write a speech about how the families with opposite-sex parents are denied equal rights? Except that I’m not taking any more speech classes so I guess that won’t work out.

Tomorrow is also Call in Gay Day. I can’t call in gay because I would fail my class but I will do it in spirit and try not to patronize any businesses unless I know they support the Gays. I will also try to do something to serve the Gay Agenda–you know undermine the sanctity of marriage or something. Either way, I’ll do my part the best I can.

M. sent me a Yale Sweatshirt, I’ll be wearing it today. Thanks M! You’re the bestest friend I’ve never met. I couldn’t read your return address very well, can you resend it so I can send you a thank-you note? (Unless this blog mention counts or unless you purposely wrote it so I couldn’t read it just in case I would fly to New York and find you.)

After tomorrow I’ll take a breath. I want to have lunch with friends and decorate my house for That Holiday. Maybe we’ll get a tree. But I won’t think about that right now, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

That’s all Internets, now go plan your week.

***No payment or sexual favors were promised for the endorsement of these events.

Movement

We have a new president and Oregon has a new Democratic Senator. Jeff Merkley gave an acceptance speech this morning from my college;I watched it on television and felt very grateful that our state will be so well represented in the Senate.

Sarah Palin has returned to the tundra of Alaska and McCain went to Starbucks for coffee this morning.

Things are as they should be.

Except in California where committed couples are now illegally married and except in my heart that is filled with angst and except in my head, where I can’t process the logic of this discrimination.

Where do we go from here? How can we convince that legal recognition of our relationships is the right thing to do? How do we show opponents to equal marriage rights that our relationships do not threaten theirs? And most of all, how do we explain to them that we’re not asking for their acceptance of our relationships, we just want the same legal benefits as everyone else–nothing more.

I wonder if GLBTQ activists are approaching this the wrong way. Perhaps instead of trying to integrate our relationships into the “traditional concept of marriage,” we should do away with government sanctioned legal marriage all together. The word “marriage” just may be too entrenched in religion for us to call it ours alongside the heterosexual couples who value their marriage as a sacrament between them and God.

Here’s my idea.

No More Legal Marriage.

No more marriage licenses, no more legal recognition of “marriages.” No more legal husband and wife, no more legal pronouncements of marriage with powers vested by the State. No more marriage benefits bestowed upon couples by the government.

Marriage will no longer be a government contract between two people.

Marriage will revert back to something that happens in a church and have nothing to do with the state or federal government. Marriage will remain a covenant with God, a blessing from the church and community, and a sacred place for a couple to live in holy matrimony til death do them part. That way the sanctity of marriage will be preserved and we can all live together peacefully and equally.

Now before I explain the second half of my movement, I would ask you all who are reading this little blog to just ponder the first half for a bit. Consider this idea, mull it over awhile, chew on it, think it through and try to consider what this would look like.

No More Government Sanctioned Marriage.

Just think about it. Let me know your thoughts.