“If you dig a pit for others to fall into,
you will fall into it yourself,” Rumi, 1980.
At long last summer has arrived in Oregon. We’ve been keeping busy at home doing major cleaning and purging in the girls’ rooms. I decided to give up my office space so that all three girls could all have their own rooms. It’s a small sacrifice to make to have some semblance of peace and harmony in our home and it’s what’s best for them, especially the little one. I’ve taken over a corner of our upstairs family room and made an adamant request that if I am working, studying or writing, they need to leave me alone. Luckily we have the summer to adjust before I’m in school again.
The girls stayed with me last weekend and Cher went bike camping with our friend Tara. Yes, bike camping. This means that they rode their bikes to a campground and camped there, in a tent. It took them two and a half hours because even though it was only twelve miles, a good portion of it was uphill. As they rode off for their adventure, Kennedy and I rode our bikes to a neighborhood garage sale where we bought a desk ($7,) and nightstand ($5) for her new room. I then spent a majority of the next day sanding and spray painting said new furniture. We painted her room pink (of course) and bought pink and zebra print bedding so I coordinated the furniture to match. Six cans of spray paint and major inhalation of fumes later, we transformed her room into a tween paradise. We painted the middle child’s room as well and will start the oldest child’s as soon as I get my office space coordinated.
Cher may be a little OCD so I assured her that the house would be put back together by the time she came home from her camping trip. After two trips to the Goodwill and several bags of trash (that I’ve yet to take to the dump,) I managed to get all of the clutter contained to one side of the family room, which will from henceforth be referred to as “The Den.” I’m calling it “The Den” because it reminds me of Mike Brady’s den on The Brady Bunch. Remember when Mike gave up his office so that Greg could have his own room and turn it into a “mod-pod”? Bourgeois as it was, I believe that pretty much any family issue can be solved by referring to an episode of The Brady Bunch. If I recall, Greg somehow ended up in the attic but I can’t remember if that was before or after their trip to Hawaii where Bobby found the haunted tiki. Luckily there is this handy episode guide, which I will be perusing later.
On a more serious note, I wish to express my gratitude to my friends and the readers of this blog for the continuous support and fortitude you have shown me recently. As I stated previously, the insidious wiles of my former spouse’s current wife are incredulous and have no effect on me whatsoever, however her litany of insults do effect my children, which does make their lives uncomfortable. It saddens me that this incident will prove to be a harbinger of the future relationship with that segment of their family system. It would seem to me that the end doesn’t justify the untenable means, or is even worth it in the long run, but I have no control over the hole that is being dug. In our system, I am committed to keeping our home positive and peaceful and capitalizing on this time that I have with my girls. As I always tell them, one can only control his or her own behavior, don’t ever let anyone live in your head for free, just because a person casts out a line, doesn’t mean you have to bite and it takes an incredible amount of energy to be hateful. I’ll keep telling myself the same. Interestingly enough, her posts on her friend’s facebook pages telling them to read my blog resulted in the highest traffic day I’ve had all year! So, I suppose some thanks and appreciation are in order.
“Always forgive your enemies–nothing annoys them so much.”–Oscar Wilde
I normally don’t comment, but I feel compelled now that I’ve read about the stress your family system has experienced as of late. Sending you lots of love. Stay strong and positive. Ignore the haters.
All you can do is control yourself, and how you react to things.
Daughter’s room sounds nice – we redid a bedroom pink for granddaughter, and are looking forward to different color phases through the coming years. (paint is cheap)
just because you age…doesn’t mean you have to grow-up. i always thought of that as a bit tongue-in-cheek about trying to remember to embrace life like a child…but JUST WOW, i guess there are people that haven’t grown-up.
i’m curious, what did she expect people to find on this site that was so horrendous?
i am sorry your children are having to experience this…i would think your ex would want to protect them also…but i’ve been reading you long enough to know that is not the case.
there are consequences for all our behaviors…i feel sorry for them now and in the future. so very much they are losing.